- There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
- What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
- Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
- What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
- What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.
- It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
- What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
- How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
- Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
- What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.
- Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures.
- Be audit you can be.
- What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
- What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
- A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
- Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients.
- Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
- It’s accrual world.
- What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
- Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
- What’s an accountant’s favourite book? 50 Shades of Grey.
Jokes are courtesy of emailstopwatch.com