More Jokes to Keep you Groaning!

  1. There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
  2. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
  3. Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
  4. What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
  5. What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’.
  6. It’s 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
  7. What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
  8. How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
  9. Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
  10. What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.
  11. Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures.
  12. Be audit you can be.
  13. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
  14. What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
  15. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
    “Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
    “Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
    “Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
    “No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
  16. Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined? For buttering up her clients.
  17. Why don’t accountants read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
  18. It’s accrual world.
  19. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he’s boring.
  20. Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director? He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
  21. What’s an accountant’s favourite book? 50 Shades of Grey.


Jokes are courtesy of

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